I haven’t posted on my blog in such a long time and I think that’s because my life has been a rollercoaster the past year or two and I wish it wasn’t like that, but we can’t control everything. Instead we just have to learn to embrace life for what it is.
I’ve recently moved out of my family home and moved into a shared house outside London. This was solely because I had to be close to my new job. I knew it was the right thing for me to do, because I knew I wanted to get into clinical research and prove to myself that it can be done. For a really long time after I stopped working for Celine, I thought I’d never get the job, but I did thankfully and now I’m grateful for it.
I’m learning a lot about the industry, which is great. This is what I wanted.
In the process of me securing a new career path, moving out of my family home and building a new life for myself, trying to start a YouTube channel (which can be completely nerve-wracking) and also being in a full blown relationship, something I’ve never really experienced before – I’ve somehow kind of lost a lot of other things in my life.
For example, I’ve lost touch with a number of friends, I’ve also lost the desire to do many things other girls my age do – partying all night long, going on party holidays, clubbing, doing crazy random things… It just doesn’t appeal to me anymore. I’m not sure why, but it’s like I just woke up one day and I realised – ok this just doesn’t stimulate me mentally or emotionally at all.
Also – I am genuinely not judging those that do all of those, because if it that makes you happy, then yes go you. do you. no judgement made, but I just can’t help but now feel like ok so what is it that I will enjoy doing?
With every loss, there should be a gain right? Otherwise, life doesn’t feel balanced anymore and that’s my dilemma now. What is supposed to replace all those meaningless/temporary people and situations that I used to once associate myself with? What can bring meaning and value to my life?
Is it potentially a new sport? A new spiritual path that I will take on? Hot yoga? Will I now become a gym freak!? What will I do with my life now to fill that empty space?
~ Lets not forget, we’re currently writing our own autobiography and right now I haven’t just started a new chapter. I’ve started a whole new book.
Autobiography of Disguisedp, Edition 2.